A new year has always evoked hope, as I contemplated the changes that could be accomplished through new endeavours. However, 2019, has proved to be a particularly dreadful year. My youngest son, Tony, died four months ago. His death was completely unexpected, and my disbelief and anger still invade my thoughts every day. Prayers were, seemingly, ineffective in overcoming the infection brought on by a (mere) sore throat, and this caused me to throw my Bible aside and discontinue my morning prayer time. I was angry. How could this happen? Why did this happen?
In dealing with this immense loss, I closed myself off from the world around me, and would have willingly given up my life. The gut-wrenching pain almost destroyed me. I lost hope. I didn’t care about anything any longer. The mundane in my life became acceptable. The ups and downs of life were of no consequence to me, nothing was important. I still feel that way, but with a little less intensity.
I have begun to take an interest in life again, and do spend time reading my Bible, and am beginning to pray again. All positive steps that are helping me gain interest in the world around me once more.
It’s an agonizing path to be travelling, but with the help of good neighbors and friends, as well as the support of my elder son, stepson and daughter and their families, I am beginning to pick up the pieces and plan for the future.
My heart still breaks for my beautiful daughter-in-law, Natasha, and grand-daughter, Patricia and grandson, Alex, as they continue to deal with the tremendous loss in their lives. I do not even want to imagine their emotional pain.
My husband and I, took a short trip north recently. It was designed to give us a fresh perspective on life, and to give us a change of scene away from photographic memories, and the many gifts from Tony, displayed at home. The northern Ontario scenery is spectacular and well worth exploring. Here are some photographs taken on the journey, and in the Agawa Canyon.
Enjoy, and if you can, take a break and head north. I think you will be glad you did.