STOP reading right now, if you are tired of my grief.
Something is amiss, but something good is happening.
Since son, Tony, died in March this year, I have been in a very dark place. Angry. Depressed. Traumatized. Hurting so much that I wanted to die too. I know I needed prayer, to pray, but refused to even acknowledge it. Prayer hadn’t helped my son. God had taken him despite prayer. My family has suffered a major loss and emotional pain that is beyond description. It is different for each of us, but is still devastating agony.
Today, I keep seeing “Let there be light” (Genesis 1:3. It has appeared in the Griefshare (https://www.griefshare.org/countries/ca) daily reading. It was the theme on the Up (a daily devotional from Matthew Ruttan) website too. https://theupdevo.com/upbook/
Whenever I see repetitious words or phrases, my curiosity is aroused.
Today, especially, because despite dealing with the present uninvited challenge, requiring my husband’s hospitalizating, I am feeling a little lighter in spirit. I mention this for a reason. As I awoke from a fitful sleep, the words “Let there be light” jumped right into my thoughts.
My spirit is feeling a tad brighter, even though my body is exhausted. Truly, exhausted, I am akin to a soft toy bereft of it’s stuffing.
All this to say, I am thankful for the light relief. And, am grateful for the comfort it brings to me. I was beginning to go into deep isolation. Too exhausted to care. Self-pity? Yes, I cannot deny there has been a good share of that, but more than this, there has been a deep, raw pain from which there was no escape. I would not wish it on anyone.
It has been, and I daresay will occasionally continue to be, a difficult journey, but the refuge of my (chosen) isolation was a lonely place. The shadowy environment one that I am now ready to step away from. Small steps. Just choosing to let go.
If you are hurting, whether from the loss of a loved one; physical or mental challenges; job loss; or divorce, there will come a time when something will change. A light at the end of the dark tunnel will become a welcome relief that begins to enter your life and you will make a choice to take advantage of a modicum of comfort that it offers. Only you can make that choice. Do not be pressured by anyone suggesting you get over it.
So if, or when, you sense in your heart, or your head that something needs to change, take notice. It could be God saying, ‘Let there be light”.
‘Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning’. Psalm 30:5